Attachment theory is an important psychological concept that can help us better understand ourselves and our relationships with others. It explains how our earliest relationships shape our ability to form and maintain healthy, meaningful relationships with other people throughout our lives. Attachment styles are the different ways in which people form and maintain these relationships. They are determined by our early childhood experiences, particularly those with our primary caregivers. If your earliest attachments were not secure it will have a negative impact on how you form and maintain relationships in adulthood. The good news is that attachment styles can be modified.
Introduction to attachment theory
Attachment theory is an area of psychological research that examines the connections and bonds between people, particularly focusing on the special relationships that develop between infants and their primary caregivers. It was first proposed by British psychoanalyst John Bowlby in the late 1950s and has since been developed and expanded upon by many other researchers.
Attachment theory provides a framework for understanding how early experiences of neglect, trauma, and abuse can affect our behaviour in adulthood. It suggests that the way we attach to people in our life is based on how secure or insecure our attachment to our primary caregivers was in childhood. Secure attachment occurs when caregivers are responsive and supportive to the needs of the child, while insecure attachment happens when caregivers are unresponsive or unavailable.
Unfortunately, neglect and trauma experienced in childhood can lead to insecure attachments. Children who experienced physical or emotional abuse may learn to distrust others and be wary of forming close relationships. Those who experienced neglect may feel disconnected from others, as though they’re not worthy of love or affection.
People with secure attachments may have better outcomes in terms of health and wellbeing because they tend to be better able to trust others and form strong relationships. On the other hand, those with insecure attachments may struggle with forming lasting relationships and dealing with difficult emotions.
Ultimately, it’s important to be aware of attachment styles so that you can recognise your own patterns and work towards building more secure attachments with those you care about.
The different types of attachment styles
When it comes to attachment theory, there are four primary styles of attachment that individuals can have. These include secure attachment, avoidant attachment, anxious attachment, and fearful-avoidant attachment.
Secure attachment: A secure attachment style is when an individual feels safe to depend on their caregivers for support and nurturance. In adulthood, those with secure attachment styles tend to be able to develop deep, meaningful relationships with others without fear of being rejected or abandoned. They also tend to have strong self-esteem and are often able to regulate their emotions in healthy ways.
Avoidant attachment: Those with an avoidant attachment style experienced a lack of responsiveness from their caregivers in childhood, leading them to become independent at a young age. It is a type of insecure attachment style that is marked by a fear of intimacy. As adults, they may have difficulty trusting others and may have difficulty forming strong, meaningful connections. They may also find themselves trying to keep their distance from potential romantic partners in order to avoid the pain of potential rejection and be emotionally unavailable. They may even find relationships suffocating, preferring to be independent and rely on themselves only, thereby completely avoiding any relationship.
Anxious attachment: Those with an anxious attachment style experienced inconsistent caregiving in childhood, leaving them feeling anxious and uncertain about their relationship with their caregivers. Where the avoidant attachment style is marked by a fear of intimacy the anxious attachment style is marked by an intense fear of abandonment. In adulthood, they may be overly dependent on others and may struggle to maintain a sense of independence in relationships. They are usually very insecure about their relationships and may also find themselves having difficulty regulating their emotions. They may constantly need validation and reassurance from others because of fear that they might leave them. Because of this fear of abandonment, people with an anxious attachment style are also often very “clingy” or needy and will check in with their partner often because of a deep-seated belief that they don’t care about them.
Fearful-Avoidant: Those with a fearful-avoidant (also known as disorganised) attachment style experienced some form of trauma or neglect in childhood which has left them feeling scared and unable to trust anyone. It is a combination of both anxious and avoidant attachment styles. In adulthood, they may find themselves having difficulty forming meaningful connections with others and may struggle to regulate their emotions. They crave a meaningful relationship but at the same time want to avoid it at all costs. This is mostly because people with a fearful-avoidant attachment style are very afraid of being hurt or betrayed. Behaviours of people in the fearful-avoidant attachment style can seem inconsistent and shift between the extremes of avoidance and anxiousness. They also have difficulty regulating emotions and will often display heightened sexual behaviour. The relationships they are in are often volatile and at risk of being violent.
No matter which attachment style you may have, it’s important to be aware of how it might be affecting your relationships and your mental wellbeing. While it may not be easy to change your attachment style, it is not impossible and you can learn how to cope with its effects and build healthier relationships with others.
How attachment styles can affect your life
Different attachment styles can have a profound impact on our lives and our relationships. The good news is that if you know your attachment style you will be able to better navigate problems that may arise.
Secure attachment is characterised by a healthy level of trust in others and a comfort with both giving and receiving love. These individuals tend to be more trusting, comfortable with intimacy, and generally have positive relationships with others. Secure attachment styles also often lead to healthy relationships, as individuals with this attachment style feel comfortable with intimacy and can communicate their needs effectively. They tend to have a positive outlook on relationships and trust their partners.
On the other hand, individuals with an anxious attachment style often struggle with relationships due to their fear of abandonment. They may have a tendency to become “clingy” or overly dependent on their partners, which can create tension in the relationship. They also struggle with feelings of insecurity, about themselves as well as their relationships, and may act out or become overly emotional if they feel like they’re being ignored or neglected. They will want constant validation from other people.
People with an avoidant attachment style value their independence and tend to push away from emotional intimacy as they may find it difficult to trust others. This can lead to difficulty forming close relationships and feelings of loneliness or isolation. They often put-up emotional walls and can be distant in relationships. It is very difficult for other people to break down these emotional walls as they don’t want to let anyone in because of fear of being hurt.
Finally, a fearful-avoidant (disorganised) attachment style is similar to an avoidant attachment style, but with an added need for closeness. Even though they want closeness they also fear intimacy. These individuals may feel overwhelmed by the idea of being close to someone and have trouble forming strong connections with others. People with a fearful-avoidant (disorganised) attachment style may struggle with emotions and behaviours that feel unpredictable. They may also struggle with mental health issues such as anxiety and depression and may find it difficult to manage their relationships healthily.
It’s essential to remember that attachment styles are not set in stone, and with awareness and support, we can work to develop a more secure attachment style. Counselling, self-reflection, and healthy relationships can all contribute to positive change and a healthier attachment style. By recognising and understanding our attachment styles, we can learn to build more fulfilling and supportive relationships and live a more fulfilling life.